We've got the Mississippitch

The "Mississippitch". A term describing the constant state of being in Mississippi. That state is, of course, being itchy. There are a number of irritants that thrive here in the Delta. Most of us have contracted Poison Ivy, been swarmed by fire ants, eaten alive by spiders in the night and bitten by a number of mystery bugs that we swear are invisible and undeterred by clothing. I myself was sitting in the van yesterday only to be alarmed by a sudden case of the Mississippitch on the left side of my, for lack of a more polite term, ass. Upon inspection back at the dorm I discovered 6 distinct bites all over that rather sensitive area. How something that bites managed to crawl into my tucked in shirt, into my pants, into my underwear, while I was sitting on said area, and still somehow have room to maneuver and viciously devour my skin is completely beyond me. This is the phenomenon now known as the Mississippitch. Say it, feel it, love it, and stay the hell out of the south.

How am I to say goodbye to all this glamour?? Alas, I must, for the Miss Disaster Rubble Rousers are about to be disbanded. Far earlier than we anticipated FEMA has decided to close the Disaster Recovery Centers that we got our work orders from and therefore our project is done. Though we were only a team for 2 weeks, we bonded and got shit done for America. Everyday we busted out worksites leaving for the day in uniforms completely soaked through with sweat. ...needless to say, our van smells rank. 90 degrees and 70% humidity? Fuck it, Clarence needs these bricks moved, grab another batch. Can't walk in a straight line anymore? There's only 16 loads of shingles left in the back, we got this! What do you mean you're going to fall over? Y'all are lucky it's not hot out yet.

And yet, it was hella fun. And most of us are extremely disappointed that we have to leave, myself included. The upside is that since we still have a month left in the round, we will all be sent back to our teams instead of Perry Point. The downside to this is that I will be sent to my team directly from here...meaning I packed for a disaster and not for a regular project. I have one civilian outfit. I have one pair of pants I can possibly wear for PT. I have no personal comfort items nor my laptop (we have wireless internet in Lake Charles). bugger. But as usual, I will adapt and move on.

I get to (finally!) build something instead of ripping things down and removing debris. Habitat, I hope you're ready for this. Please have my nail gun ready and waiting. I leave next Tuesday or Wednesday and hopefully get to spend a little time in New Orleans on the way! Huzzah suckas

Guess what guys! Disaster season has hit! Yay!

Nowhere but on an NCCC campus will you find so many people excited for an active disaster season. For us it means teams are ripped apart and relocated on composite teams sent to anywhere and everywhere disaster strikes. Raven 5 was preparing for our Habitat project in Louisiana when we found out Michelle would be leaving us for disaster in Nashville. We all lamented that she would not join us for the Barbie fashion show nor for the anticipated drinking sessions outside the Exxon station. Little did we know, more disasters were brewing. This morning at the All Corps Meeting unbeknownst to Team Leaders and Corps Members alike, a team had been chosen to pick up where the Mississippi campus had left off in Yazoo City leaving tomorrow. With 24 hours to pack and kiss our teams goodbye, myself and 12 other individuals pulled from teams across all 3 units were called to serve our country. This will involve a lot of sacrifice, but this I am prepared to do in order to get things done for America. I am to say goodbye to my beloved Raven 5, goodbye to internet, goodbye to free time, goodbye to civilian clothing.
Our mission? To clean up after a tornado that hit on April 24th, leaving behind many trees and debris that need to be cleared. We will be working 8-10 hour days, 7 days a week. 30 days is supposed to be the max FEMA deployment, but really, this is FEMA, so I'm going to take that with a grain of salt. As for the rest, this is all the information we've been given. We'll find out more when we get there. Which just adds a bit of fun to the whole thing, yes? I'm not bringing my laptop so who knows when I'll get to update next, but rest assured I'll have a lot of great stories in a month. Until then, my phone still works, so keep in contact!

Isn’t it ironic? No, really, is it?

Alright, so everybody uses the term irony wrong, so this is an anecdote that may or may not be ironic but could be described by a term related to ironic:
So we’re about to head out to find some internet and go to urgent care to find out if Rob’s oozing belly button is life-threatening and I’m running a little late so I dash out the door. As I slam it shut and try to hurry down the stairs, my middle finger is left behind, crushed in the door jamb. I thought it was just stunned so I shook it furiously as I tried to suppress my expletives. It wasn’t until my team leader made an exclamation of disgust, “You’re flinging blood everywhere!” that I realized this might be a bigger problem than I had originally estimated. Sweetheart that he is, Josh ran up to the house to acquire paper towels to stem the flow of gushing blood. Upon his return he immediately applied his acquisition to…the front seat of the van which I had apparently flung blood upon. We all stared at him dumbfounded as my more concerned teammates dug into the first aid kit while blood flooded underneath my fingernail. To sum up, in my haste to get to the internet I injured myself badly enough that when we got into town I had to go with Rob to the urgent care and ended up getting no internet at all. I would say the positive side of this is that I got a prescription for 20 vicodin, but vicodin doesn’t work for me so after taking it for several days to no avail, I switched back to ibuprofen. Although, my prescription did come with a coupon for giant rotisserie chicken and until we figured out that Giant was the brand name, we were pretty frickin excited.

This entry will be completed on Tuesday during the next internet run as we will (hopefully) be finding out our next project tonight which I want to add to this week’s blog. Also, that gives me more time to think of stories that are both amusing and not centered around my injuries…
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With 1 week left here in Virginia our next project has been revealed to us. On May 12th we have a 22 hour, 2 day drive to look forward to as we head down to Lake Charles, Louisiana! Now…Louisiana has never been really high on my list of places to live but I find I’m rather excited for this new venture because we’re working for *dun duh dun!* Habitat for Humanity! Oh yes, that’s right, Ima learn how to build houses from the ground up and if we’re really efficient we’ll learn how to side’em and roof’em too. Huzzah! Now that you’re all good and jealous I can tell you the best part—I’m living in a double-wide. That’s right, one bedroom, nine people, no secrets. Just the way I like it. Rob likes to wake up early and talk loud, EJ goes to bed late jamming out to her (loud) stereo. The kitchen is separated from the bedroom by an island. There is one light for both rooms. One bathroom indoors plus 4 showers in a nearby trailer. We’ve already broken so many boundaries in this team that I’m excited to see what more there is. Kendra and I share a room at the moment and stopped shutting the door while we use the bathroom 2 weeks ago, Kenny, who led us in "awkward" PT,--Hip thrusts, groin stretches and chest isolations to say the least--has been lobbying for “Naked Weekend” for quite some time and today we had to change out of our herbicide clothes after work before we could load up the van and the people who forgot to bring extra just jumped in sans pants. Since “team-cest” is against the rules I’m not sure how we could get much closer but we’re creative, we’ll find a way.

Raven 5? yeah, we're close.


Along this vein, “Team Spoon” has been suggested as a team builder. …and so has playing Dungeons & Dragons. By the same person-Rob.
This brings up another important topic: Team Mottos. Most of which are variations on a theme:
“Rob, Don’t.”
“Rob, No”
“Rob, Get Off Me”
“Don’t touch me, ew”

This is Rob.



The last few motto suggestions are in relation to our work at Mason Neck. Between 15 tons of garbage dragged out of the forest to sweating with chainsaws on the plantation to breaking nearly every tool we come in contact with we find ourselves frequently repeating the following:
“Why? Why? Why?”
And my personal favorite-
“Raven 5: Ya done fucked up.”

Everyday we ask "Why, why, why?"

Okay, you can all dry your eyes, I have returned to the internet after a 17-day hiatus. And oh the updates I have. The day after my last post will forever be marked in history as The Day It All Went Wrong or the epic April Fools Disaster. It started off with some harmless boot-hiding and lunch swapping which escalated as the victims plotted against the perpetrators. It ended with a mattress thrown outside over the side of a hill and an expensive ring missing and nobody willing to take credit. Shouting and threats ensued and 3 members packed up and left for Perry Point for disciplinary hearings. Eep.
And then of course there is me being me and getting hit in the back of the head with a log I was carrying with Kenny.

Don't ask how this happened, I have no flippin clue. I am just that coordinated, I assure you.
I rock at life-4 stitches and I couldn't wash my hair for 5 days, ew.

We recently were informed that the if we write any of our sponsors' company names that they have programs that e-mail them to let them know they were mentioned on the internet. So I would hereby like to formally welcome the representatives of AmeriCorps NCCC, For Love of Children Outdoor Education Center, and Mason Neck State Park to my blog. I hope you enjoy it and I love you all.

And now I feel the need to preface this with the disclaimer that this may sound derogatory towards Mason Neck, but really, it's just funny.

3 members of my team (1 being myself) independently began calling our work site "The Plantation" which has spread like wildfire and been officially adopted by the whole team. A) We're in Virginia. B) There is no shade in this field. C) We're chainsawing dead trees wearing thick chaps over thick pants, helmets with face shields and earmuffs and thick leather gloves. Mmmm sweat. D) It was 80 degrees at least all that week. This name is deserved.
Even so, our scale "Tiny" insists that none of us are losing weight. I doubt the rice & beans we ate on Sunday are contributing to this problem. The pizza our sponsor bought us for lunch after walking in on us eating the aforementioned rice & beans for supper might be a reason...

Andddd I'm out of time, out of stories, out of my mind.

"I mean, I’ve lived here for 3 years so…I drink bottled water"

For those of you who for some reason don't intuitively know things I haven't actually written, I am now in Lorton, Virginia. Our spikes are 8 weeks long and the first 2 weeks we were in Harper's Ferry, West Virginia and the last 6 we'll be here at Mason Neck State Park. We arrived on Sunday and after being introduced to our impressive 4,000 sq. foot housing situation we discovered the order in which we got to pick our rooms. Who got 2nd pick? That's right, this girl. How was this order chosen? We drew a map of the trail system at our first project and the most accurate won the privilege of choice. Now, I know that many of you have witnessed my drawing skills and may be wondering how I managed to rank so high. Firstly, I beat 3 of my team members by putting my name on my paper. Win. Secondly, screw you, I rock at drawing. And I happened to have looked at the trail map intensely the previous day as I attempted to make my own trail by walking along a stream through the middle of the forest and got to know it pretty well.

So, back to the blog title, we have begun a tradition every night to have a water chug before you can serve yourself. The water in our new home, suffice it to say, is not pleasing. It's more than the heightened iron content, it has an almost stagnant quality to it. It just isn't right. Unsure whether or not we would have to just get used to it, we asked the head park ranger if the taste was something that would give us cancer in ten years or just provide us with a few extra daily minerals. His reply, of course, was "I mean, I’ve lived here for 3 years so...I drink bottled water" Comforting. Necessity drives us to repulsive acts sometimes and after 3 days of strenuous manual labor we all caved and embraced our only source of hydration. Although it took me nearly puking on my chainsaw to admit that this water was probably better than death. Barely.

So that was my uber-casual way of mentioning that I am now trained and certified to operate a chainsaw (at least within the boundaries of Mason Neck State Park). Huzzah! The saw is heavy and the chaps are hot, but there is something so satisfying about destroying nature. In the name of conservation, of course. Also, it might be that when I chainsaw I get to break from cleaning up the dump piles that have been sitting in the forest since the seventies. But hey, at least I'm outside! And the exhibitionist in me secretly loves stripping down outside the back door to shake my clothes out to check for ticks. And that mental image is my parting gift to you all this week. Enjoy!

R5-So colorful, we fill the box

It is official. We are the Raven 5 Creepers. This has been confirmed by our sponsor. It began when we noticed that the most oft uttered phrase within our team was "you are such a creeper!" and escalated when our sponsor (who is fairly eccentric himself) actually commented on our collective creepiness. There are few boundaries that we have yet to have violated with not even the shower remaining sacred. For example last week I was asked to stand in the boys' bathroom to chat with Rob while he showered. Yesterday all the girls packed into the communal shower room so that Rob was trapped behind his curtain until we all left. We offered to bring him his towel but he said he preferred to walk around naked and would wait for us to leave so that he could still enjoy his moment.

Alright I have so many random updates so this is going to jump around:
-We are doing trail maintenance work this week in W. Virginia which is mostly raking and lopping and moving logs. To get to work we have a 30-45 minute commute. And by commute I mean hike. I have to hike uphill to get to work and the hike gets longer everyday as we move along and clear the trail. FML. This wouldn't be so bad except I am the largest, slowest member of the team and they have a "Leave no member behind!" policy so they all have to stop every 200 ft to wait for me. ack. Also, for those that don't know, I lack grace in every aspect of life and fell really hard on my knee almost two weeks ago and messed it up so I'm also hiking with a bum knee, which is what everyone else kindly blames for my tortoise pace. I am not quite so delusional.
-While we're on the subject of graceful, this weekend I split my thumb open while cutting frozen meat for the fire. To add to this carelessness on my part, we also neglected to bring the first aid kit camping with us in the middle of the property this weekend so Josh had to run back the 20 minute hike to the lodge to get a medical bag all the while I'm bleeding profusely all over the picnic table. It's a pretty nasty cut but the skin flap is still there so it's slowly knitting back together...but it lined up wrong so it looks kinda weird with gaps on one side and overlap on the other.
-I have now peed in the woods!! This is actually related to our work site because of the 45 minute hike the only place to go is to step off the trail and drop trou. Kendra has extensive experience with this and taught both myself and EJ the proper technique. I understood and stepped away to do my thing, but EJ needed a live demonstration. As I stood on the trail to be the look out, EJ and Kendra squatted next to each other. Kendra clearly articulated the need to HOLD ON to a tree but EJ leaned a little too far back and sat directly in her puddle. I don't know what more to say about that except I probably scared the two members 100 yds ahead of us on the trail with my resonating laughter. EJ just pulled her pants up and continued working, what a trooper.
-Of all people, I was chosen for the first random drug test of the year. (What a waste, right?) Only 6 people are chosen out of 210 and all of us were from the Raven unit (there are 3 units). Also since they're confidential we're supposed to go alone, but they cheated and had me riding with one other person. And if you like improbability statistics here's the set-up: of all the 22 year old females that get pulmonary embolisms from birth control in America (not very many...) there are 2 that are in AmeriCorps, on the Perry Point Campus (240 people), on the Raven Unit (70 people), chosen for the random drug screening (6 people), and riding in the same van to get to the drug test (2 people). Please, tell me, what are the odds?


I look like I know what I'm doing, right?

Team Charter: No extensive fart conversations.

Before we deploy on our first Spike (spike=projects where we live off campus) our team developed a Team Charter in which we outlined rules by which we must all abide. Sadly, we were forced to put into words several standards that are usually naturally expected and unspoken. One of course being the aforementioned ban on fart conversations. Our motto is claim it, excuse it, move the fuck on. This was an issue for some of my team members on mini-spike.

---Informational Side-bar~Mini-Spike was 3 days of manual labor in the Delaware State Parks raking leaves at a zoo, moving branches in a park, and painting a nature center.---

On a gas-free note, we've officially been inducted into Class XVI here at Perry Point and have completed training. I think I need to mention that the speakers for this event with 240 people were more impressive than the speakers from my graduation from St. Kate's. Sorry to everyone that sat through that last May...
So now that we are all Corps Members we were all set to leave. The van was packed, the perishables eaten and the team assembled to head out to West Virginia, the site of our first project. Take a journey with me--we're playing the alphabet game, I'm kicking ass as usual, and the team phone rings. "Hi! ... Yeah, we're on our way, what do you need? ...what? Flooded? ... We're halfway there. ... On the highway. ... Turn around? Are you sure? ... Right, maybe you should talk to our team leader" The ending to that story is that we are back at the dorms which, I must admit, are a lot creepier when they're empty and it's dark and raining. The fact that it used to be a VA nursing home has all of a sudden become a lot more apparent. We may be able to leave tomorrow if they get the entrance to our housing in W.V. cleared sometime soon... The consolation to this is that the people that are at the park we're going to are trapped inside. So I'm having a little schadenfreude moment with that knowledge. We did get to listen to the mix I made for the van and most of my selections were met with approval though it may have been a little heavy on the pop-punk genre. Also, the choice of Date Rape awarded me one kudos and more than a few questioning glares. Read the lyrics, it has a good moral, I promise.

Lyn, I don't need your judgments. And just for you *Disclaimer-inappropriate material following, Mom, you will be uncomfortable.* Penis=Ham&cheese sandwich, You're welcome, Excalibur, Meat&potatoes, Schlong, Ding-a-ling, Johnson, Willy, Unit, Bizznizz, Tool, Rod, Member, Shaft, Peter, Sausage, One-eyed monster. Vagina-Cooter, Coochie, Box, Pootang, Vadge, Pooter, Snatch, Wet-wet, Twat, and the ever-offensive Cum Dumpster. Thank you Healthy Sexuality.